November 12, 2005

The weather was very pleasant last week, which, where I reside, is never a sure thing this time of the year.  I made the decision to venture off of the grounds and have a quiet little lunch in a new cafe that recently opened up in town.  The patio was open, so I took my seat at one of the small plastic tables and ordered half of a turkey sandwich with a glass of water.  While waiting for the arrival of my lunch, I enjoyed basking in the warm afternoon sun that seemed to be dueling the cold northern breeze.  Suddenly, the stillness was interrupted by two talkative ladies that chose to occupy the table next to mine rather than one of the many other vacancies.  It was impossible not to overhear.

"Did you hear that Tammy's husband left her for another girl?"

"Noooo!"

"It's true!  And she said if she doesn't find work soon, she and the kids will have to move back in with her mom!"

"But I thought her mom said never again?"

"I know!  But now that her boy is sick with that stomach thing, her mom can't say no!"

"How long has she known about her husband?"

"A while now, I think."

"She didn't say anything when we were with her last weekend!"

"Isn't that weird?  We'll have to call her tonight."

This went on through the entire lunch.  Fairly common gossip, but here's what I found most upsetting - the two ladies, who were clearly friends with this other woman, were smiling and giggling through the entire conversation.

That's right.  They found some sort of joy in the fact that their friend just had her world turned upside-down.  Never did I hear or see any true sympathy.  The ladies only planned to fane empathy later in order to obtain more information from their friend.

Of course, this isn't the first time I've seen this kind of reaction, nor will it be the last.  Some people tend to find joy in the pain of others since it makes their lives appear better.  But a life that's good by default is a life never growing.  These ladies are settling for a shallow happiness.  Imagine how different their lives would be if they really cared for their friend.  Excited smirks replaced with shock and tears.  They would, by reaction alone, contribute a warmth and companionship for their friend that would genuinely help her through this time in her life.  All of their lives would expand and grow from the crushing pain of this horrible news.

Unfortunately, this poor Tammy will have to settle for ears that are tuned only for gossip.  She will be more alone than she knows.

I didn't even finish my half of a sandwich when I decided it was time to head back to the asylum.  The cold northern wind was defeating the warm afternoon sun.